


Videre me

by siggen1



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: F/M, Ficlet, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 10:52:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3607425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siggen1/pseuds/siggen1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He has little time for ‘what if’s, but there is a big one in his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Videre me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Konstantya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konstantya/gifts).
  * Inspired by [I still wish I knew](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/105120) by siggen1. 



> The original "I still wish I knew" was written in 2006 for a prompt by murf1013 in the LJ community mash_challenge. 
> 
> Since then I have washed in and out of active M*A*S*H fandom several times, but there's never any new Gail/Mulcahy fic. I have some new stuff coming (you know, insha'allah etc etc), but in the meantime I'd like to take a crack at fixing some of the stuff that annoys me to shreds every time I google 'gail/mulcahy fic' and “I still wish I knew” continues to be the top hit.
> 
> This humble piece of fiction is dedicated to my new friend Konstantya, who may be one of like three people who share my preoccupation with Gail/Mulcahy. Thank you for lighting a fire under me!
> 
> Betaed, as always, by my best girl sevsgirl72.

It's been ten years and change since the course of Francis Mulcahy’s life was irrevocably altered, right at the tail end of his time in Korea. He has settled into a comfortable routine, and finds his work among the deaf, and his life in general, quite rewarding. He has contented himself to his fate, and has little time for ‘what if’s. 

Still, in the top drawer of his desk he keeps a photograph, folded within its accompanying letter, both tucked neatly in an envelope, addressed to John Mulcahy. He considers from time to time that it would be better not to keep it at all, and certainly not so close, but there it is. Sometimes he takes it out to look at it, although he has surely memorized it by now. The photo is taken against greenery and a stately brick building. At its center: A beautiful young lady in cap and gown, holding a diploma and grinning for the camera. She looks as beautiful as she was when he first made her acquaintance some five years before the photo was taken.

He still wonders what it would have felt like to kiss her. When she hugged him, he pushed her away, because that was his only option. A moment longer and his body would have betrayed him utterly. Just her arms around his neck and the scent of her so close had caused deeply inappropriate stirrings in him. If she had persisted in her touch he might have given in, hugged her back more firmly, kissed her. If she would have let him, perhaps even more. In these moments, when he allows himself to think these things, arousal coils through his body and he has to tamp it down decisively.

He never told her that he lost his hearing. He knows he should have, but it stings him to consider it. Going to her graduation, letting her see the old man he has become, never bore consideration. He thanked her for the invitation, but begged off. He is surrounded every day by people who pity him, and finds it doesn't bother him. Pity from her, he sometimes thinks, uncharacteristically melodramatic, would kill him.

It's been more than five years since the photo arrived. He doesn't know where in the world she is, where she did her residency and where she might be working now, in a hospital or in a private practice. The photo from her graduation was the last he heard from her. He never replied to the letter, and she never wrote him again, perhaps wounded by his lack of response. 

He hopes she is happy, wherever she might be. He hopes she has found the purpose she was so desperately seeking when they first met. Above all, he hopes that she is loved. Still, sometimes when he looks at the photo, sees her smile, he wishes he could have been the one to love her. He can't help but wish that he knew how it would have felt to kiss her.


End file.
